Autobiographical Songs

Posted by John Category: old demos

Here are some hastily recorded old demos of mine (John – pictured above on holidays, smiling like his father (I think, sort of, maybe not)), based on life experiences. All were recorded years ago with a now defunct toy Argos microphone, and a cheap keyboard. These are by no means my best songs (most of which have been/are being/will be recorded by the superior musicians of Tigers of Tin Pan).

 

 

The following song was written while a group of vegan activists (one of whom is not a nice person) were in the kitchen of my then home planning vegan events. It’s nice to privately, gently, and immediately get back at a bully through song (all in all, preferable to standing up to them). I feel safe he won’t be reading this as I believe he only takes an interest in art made by vegans.

Vegans 

There are vegans in the kitchen

And they’re plotting to take over the world

You just want to torture beautiful birds

There are vegans in the kitchen

And they are just so obviously right

You just want to kill innocent life

Why would you want to kill innocent life 

No wonder you say you have trouble sleeping during the night

We could live in harmony 

Up in the air and under the sea

We could live in harmony

We just need to get rid of the majority

We just need to get rid of the majority

We just need to get rid of the majority

There are vegans in the kitchen

Discussing their utopian dream

Chopping up a cucumber ignoring its silent scream

There are vegans in the bathroom 

And they’re probably not going to flush

You don’t care about the planet quite that much

Why would you want to kill innocent life

Surely you can see that you’re a rapist and a shameless parasite

We could create a utopia

So don’t buy into man’s myopia

Come help us create our utopia

Where we could live in harmony

We could live in harmony

We just need to get rid of the majority

We just need to get rid of the majority

We just need to get rid of the majority

We just need to get rid of the majority

So I guess then our immediate priority

Is to initiate our moral authority

And so gradually get rid of the majority

Coz we just need to get rid of the majority

We just need to get rid of the majority

We just need to get rid of the majority

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following song is about lying in bed for a prolonged period staring at one’s duvet. I have done this — it’s no big deal — everyone does it. I don’t sing this one very well — it is very old and I am better at singing now. I think it would be good if it were sung by someone who sounds like Kirsty MacColl. Sadly, the one person who sounds like Kirsty MacColl is no longer with us. I think I am going to listen to her version of “Days” right now. I love that a lot. I just listened to it. God it is so great. It makes me cry. I am going to listen to it again.

Shapes in my Duvet 

Shall I stay in bed all day and make out shapes in my duvet

My father’s face extended, drooping eyes and nose upended

Shall I stay in bed all day and make out shapes in my duvet

Pioneering American dust mites roll through cosy mountain valleys 

Everybody else in the house has gone to work

Shall I stay in bed all day and make out shapes in my duvet

The hazy, soft and scary, scrambled face of the Virgin Mary

How I’d love to survey your duvet

Should I get up and go to town or should I stare at my eiderdown

My knees are tidal waves crashing into secret caves

How I’d love to survey your duvet

How I’d love to survey your duvet

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following song is about me being home on the farm and feeling oddly good on a dull, overcast day.

Grey Skies Love You

Although the sky is grey

This is a lovely day

The wind whispers to me

Through the cosy trees

Grey skies above you

They really love you

Please stay grey 

Sun go away

Please stay grey 

Sun go away

Although the sky is dull

It’s still beautiful

I almost hope it rains

The day feels more contained

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following song is about how I use football to relate to people I may not otherwise relate to. (I wrote a lot of very simple, very literal songs back then.) This particular avenue of social connection may become closed to me in future because I may well stop watching football when Lionel Messi retires. The void he leaves may be too great. Right now, a subtle, perfectly weighted ten yard pass by Leo gives me more pleasure than the rest of football put together. Football without him would feel a bit like the Beatles without John and Paul. Then again, I do love George Harrison so maybe I will actually keep watching football and talking about it to people I would otherwise not relate to. (Also Modric’s performance versus Russia last night also gave me a good bit of joy).

We Need to Talk About Football

I might be right

I might be wrong

I might be right

I might be wrong

I might be lots of things but mainly I just write weird songs

This might be the reason why you and me do not get along

We need to 

We need to

We need to talk about football

I might be wrong

I might be right

I might be wrong

I might be right

I might be lots of things but maybe not a person you could like

If we were not connected then I might be a guy you’d like to fight

We need to 

We need to

We need to talk about football 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the subject of football, I have just now recalled a demo I recorded celebrating my love for Bill O’Herlihy, John Giles, and Eamon Dunphy as presenter and pundits. I had forgotten about it. Bill, like Kirsty, has since sadly passed, and Giles on telly has been replaced by younger, less insightful people. I enjoyed them while I could. Right now I am enjoying listening back to this tune which is why I have decided to post it here.

Bill, John, Eamon

Bill, John, Eamon

The holy trinity

The Messi, Xavi, Iniesta of punditry

They may be getting old but they’re not frail

They’re so entertaining when England fail

They’re national treasures

Enjoy them while you can

Bill, John, Eamon

The perfect trio

Johnny brings the wisdom

Eamon brings the brio

Bill just sits there grinning in complete control

Johnny’s reminiscing about 1974

They’re national treasures

Enjoy them while you can

The three of them together are never bland

Do you know their philosophy

They use the word great sparingly

Bill, John, Eamon

The holy trinity

Johnny is lamenting a lack of creativity

Eamon is complaining about a lack of moral fortitude

Bill just sits there grinning harnessing the attitude

They’re national treasures

Enjoy them while you can

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last autobiographical song I’m posting here is a fairly literal description of the kitchen of the house I grew up in. It is very old and my voice sounds bad on it. I sound like I have some kind of speech impediment. I think it might have been recorded using my original toy Argos mic (there were two) just as it was about to fall apart. Still I have a massive soft spot for this odd little song. I remember playing this for producer Liam way back when and him saying I had ripped off McCartney’s Let ‘Em In. Which is grand because I love that song.

Our Kitchen  

Our kitchen

Our kitchen

There are knives, there are spoons, there are oranges.

There’s an aerial photo of our house on the wall

There are fights I have had with my parents

There are friends of the family who have had a cup of tea

In our kitchen

In our kitchen

There are flowers, there is salt on the table

There are newspapers stacked on the chair where no one sits

There’s a press where we’ve always kept the biscuits

There’s a press where we’ve always kept lots of our old shoes

In our kitchen

In our kitchen

In our kitchen

In our kitchen