Swearing at Porridge

Posted by John Category: Miscellaneous

When you are in a rush to leave your house, a bowl of porridge often has the annoying habit of taking a bizarrely long time to cool down. Swearing at it will help you to combat rage and relieve stress…


Fuck you, you fucking volcanic cunt! What the actual fuck? Why can’t you just fucking cool down like any normal fucking thing that cools down!? Fucking tea cools off in a few fucking minutes. Fuck — I’ve seen fucking soup drop to room temperature in 10 bloody fucking minutes! Fucking SOUP! What the bloody fuck is wrong with you!? It’s been 15 fucking minutes and you’re still fucking scorching the fuck out of my mouth. Do you have any idea how fucking unpleasant it is to repeatedly receive burns to the roof of your mouth? Of course you fucking don’t — you’re a fucking bowl of porridge — you have no fucking mouth. *Blows and stirs* Ah fuck this — I have to get a fucking bus! What the fuck you stupid physics-defying fuck!? I can see why the goddamn 3 cunting bears had to take a long fucking walk in the goddamn fucking woods. The fucking WOODS! They fucking knew how long you take. Like how fucking long did they leave you to fucking cool down? Enough time for fucking Goldilocks, the silly fucking bitch, to fucking try out 3 bowls of you, and sit in 3 shitty fucking chairs and lie in 3 shitty motherfucking beds! Must have been about a fucking hour before they got back to the fucking house. That gives you some idea of the fucking esteem with which your cooling down abilities are held by authors of ageless goddamn fucking fairy tales. *Blows and stirs* Fuck you, you permanently piping prick! *Takes spoonful* FUCK – you’re still fucking hot as fuck – it’s been almost 20 fucking minutes. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! What the fuck is wrong with you!? I have to get a fucking bus! Fuck it, I’ll just pick up a fucking apple and Kinder Bueno on the way. Fuck you. I hope you’re fucking happy. 


I hope this helps.